Haley Crane
Creative Writing/ 3rd
hour
Oh the places you’ll
go By: Dr. Seuss
Congratulations! Today is your day. You're off to Great
Places! You're off and away! It was time to start some adventures in Mia’s
life; she was ready for some excitement and Oklahoma just didn’t have that she decided
to take matters into her own hands. She was tired of living the country life on
the farm she knew that she was meant to be more so she made a plan for her
future to be bigger. She wanted to go to these so called great places that everyone
speaks about and make some tremendous memories. She was ready for an expedition
and long journey with people she loved. Mia had a sister named Amelia who was a
senior in high school but only had 4 months until she was finished. Amelia had
agreed to go on this voyage with her sister however she needed to graduate
first. Mia couldn’t hide her excitement any longer; she was telling everyone
who was anyone about this exciting trip which would be taking place in just 4
months.
Mia worked at a
coffee/ deli shop called The Bean; she loved this job because the customers
were all regulars. Mia enjoyed getting to know the individuals by name and
knowing there orders by memory. There was one individual named Coralee who had
absolutely amazed Mia, they would talk about all the unique places she had
traveled to, she was involved in a church that did missions every few months.
They had gone to Germany to speak the word and give children in the area things
they lacked such as shoes, clothing and hygiene items. She told her that one
dream of hers was to go to the Neuschwanstein Castle, she gazed at pictures of
this castle from the moment she heard the news of this excursion. So while
there trip was beginning to die down a couple of the members made a trip to
castle. The Neuschwanstein Castle was inspired by the castle from the “Sleeping
Beauty” this castle was built by Ludwig II of Bavaria and took 17 years to construct.
Coralee said that she felt like she was in a fairytale herself when she first
walked in. Once Mia heard this story in particular she knew there were bigger
and better things out there she just had to go find them. She wanted to find
these great places that everyone keeps telling her about.
Mia started brainstorming on where she wanted to go, she
watched documentaries on exotic places and researched these places. There was
one problem she hadn’t factored in and that was money she had no idea where she
wanted to go. She decided if she wanted her life to be full of adventure she
would need to get a second job so that she can pay for these expensive
memories. She started applying at several different places such as being a yoga
instructor, she loved yoga. She also applied at a smoothie shop called Blend
Up, she figured that would be similar to the job that she already had and
loved. She also applied at the local
music store, she thought any one of these jobs would be amazing to have. She
carried on with her daily routines and The Bean, coffee order after coffee
order waiting for a phone call, that would sounds something like Hi, we would
love for you to come in to have an interview! But no such luck for Mia. She
talked to her sister about the money issue and Amelia said that she would be getting
money when she graduated from high school as a present and that she wanted to
use that for the trip, Mia sounded a little relieved but was still had the
sound of fear in her voice. She was getting nervous that this so called voyage
wasn’t going to come true. Amelia had also been working since she was a
sophomore and saving for various things she wanted to buy. Their parents had a theory if you want things
that weren’t necessity then you could work for them, so each of the girls
worked ever since they were around the age of 16 years old. They each new how
to save money and were ready to begin hoarding there money from things that
didn’t need purchased.
The girls got together every Saturday and made a list of
places they wanted to go Amelia said she wanted to go to the beach she didn’t
really mind which one she just wanted to gaze at the unfathomable view everyone
speaks of. Mia found it very important to witness this natural beauty that is
never ending. Another natural landscape they both agreed on viewing was the
Grand Canyon; they’ve only seen it through a movies view and needed to grasp it
themselves. Their parents had seen them struggling with money, and thought that
this was a necessity and that everyone deserves to see the world from their own
eyes. Their parents discussed and decided they wanted to contribute to this
wonderful idea that they had. They
wanted the perfect time to give them the money to them so her parents decided
since the girl’s birthdays were only a month apart, it would be perfect! A
couple more weeks past and Mia finally got a voicemail while she was at work
from the yoga gym, they said they had just lost an instructor and was in need
of one soon. As soon as her lunch break took place she ran outside to make this
phone call. The phone started to ring and the receptionist spoke Hi, welcome to
Goddess Within how may I help you? She answered with Hello, I am calling because
it appears that I missed your phone call, may I speak with your manager. She
got her response and would soon be speaking to the manager, her stomach filled
with tingles. Tick tock tick tock. Hello Mia? Yes this is Mia, sorry I missed your
phone call, no worries I know how it is. Would you be able to come in for an
interview Tuesday afternoon? Yes I can. I will see you then. A couple days
passed and she went to her interview and received the phone call of acceptance
she had been waiting for, she would begin her job in just a few days. She had
never been so excited.
She started her first day at Goddess Within and she enjoyed
getting to know all her students, but she felt sad that she would only be
teaching for 4 months but since it was only a 4 month yoga plan so it all
worked out. Four months later a new class would start and they would need a new
instructor. Everything started to come
together, she was about to have her big 21s birthday, she had two
wonderful jobs and was soon going to be traveling the world with her wonderful
sister. Mia and Amelia had no idea they were going to be having a surprise
party they thought they were just meeting their parents for dinner. They got
ready together and drove over to their favorite place to eat in the city it was
called Avanzre’s a high class Italian restaurant. They were both pretty
excited, but had no idea what was about to take place, they were entering the building
and heard. SURPIRSE!!! They were definitely shocked to see all their friends
and family, and no strange people because her parents had rented the entire
place out, which was a plus. They ate
their entrees and it was time for presents. So her parents stood in front of
the crowd and said we would like to make an announcement. We would all like to
give you guys the money to travel to your various destinations. They stood in
utter shock, holding each other and crying. They were so joyful and happy to
hear what they had just said. Not only had her parents wanted to give them the
money but the rest of her friends and family donated a portion of money. They
were both in complete shock, and circled around the room hugging and thanking
people. At the end of the night the girls counted the checks and had over 2,500
dollars. This was the biggest blessing they have ever experiment. Turns out
they were going to have enough money with Mia having two job, Amelia having one
and the donation from there polite friends and family. The next couple months
they got all the plans finalized to take off, such as where they would go first
and where they would stay the longest. Months had past and now it was time for
Amelia’s graduation a big milestone in her life, and on that day everything
went just as planned, she was officially done with her high school career. One week
later it was time to depart from Oklahoma the place they always called home.
They didn’t know what to expect or who to expect but they were excited to have
each other on this new step in life.
The End
Haley,
ReplyDeleteThe new story is completely different from the original story making this assignment a good success. The character development flows pretty well you tell just enough background of the character to know where they are placed in the story. This story does have the main parts but I feel that it drags on within the rising action. It’s like the story kind of just keeps going on about preparing for their great adventure instead of what happens in the “great places” they go. The ending of the story was cute and put a great end on things kind of making it as if the adventure was in the steps it takes to get to those great places they wanted to go. One thing that really stuck out was the few run-on sentences I found here and there. But all together it was a cute little story. Good job (:
-Mickenzie
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete1.) Very different from the original story. so good job on that hailey.
Delete2.) You did a good job on the character development. You gave a good backgound on them. LIke you told where one of them worked and stuff about there personality.
3.) Good job on the main parts but like the whole story its not till the end till they go aon the vacation. I mean what happens on the vacation?
4.) well the ending satisfies me pretty well. i was glad they were able to go on their vacation.
5.) what really stuck out to me was that she lived in a farm house. But, she seems like a big time city girl. anyways great job hailey!
The new story is nothing like the orginal. There were many different ways you could go with the first line. You did a good job of coming up with a story line more fitted for our age group. You really only had two main characters. You did great describing Mia, her personality and why she was so passionate about traveling. Amelia was described as well but I didn't get as much of a personality from her. Your story does contain all the necessary parts. I wish I could have known more about where they decided to actually travel. I think you wanted to stick to how they got the funds for the trip and that was very detailed. Like I said, I wish I could have known where they went on their trip but I still liked the ending. It was nice the girls worked hard for their trip but also got help from their loved ones. You let the reader know the girls were successful and could actually run off to great places. I like the idea that the girls thought it was important to see the world but they knew they wouldn't have it handed to them. They knew it would be hard to earn the money but they stuck to it. I also liked how much Mia enjoyed her job and interacting with her customers. Nice Job!
ReplyDeleteThey traveled to Germany, and they had to go to a beach on this exotic trip so they made there way to Virgin Gorda, British Virgin Islands. They loved both of these places very much and finally had all there dreams come true. They tried to stop in each place they traveled to along the way but had to miss a few.
Delete